Archive for October, 2009

There’s been some rumbling in the blogosphere since President Obama’s announcement yesterday that the outbreak of swine flu has been declared a national emergency. Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius now has authority to bypass federal rules if necessary in order to meet increased demand for swine flu treatment and care.

To those suspicious of all things government, this is sending up a few red flags. Will there be forced quarantines? Does this allow FEMA to become part of our health care system? And just on general principle, is it ever a good idea when unelected federal officials are given more power to do much of anything, even something as apparently benign as treating the sick?

Maybe I’ve gotten my tinfoil hat fixed on too tight, but I think I know leftists, and I think I know my way around Mr. Obama’s ideological neighborhood. While this particular national emergency is hardly the second coming of Fidel Castro, it could be a preview of things to come—a dry run of sorts that might give Obama a template by which to implement arbitrary extra-constitutional laws in the future.

We’ll see. I once heard that when in doubt, trust your paranoia. It’s probably not good advice in most cases, but it could be the perfect mindset for keeping tabs on a government that’s already out of control.

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There are some things in which our government is reliably consistent. For example if you give them money (or in our current administration’s case, take it) no good can come of it. As P.J. O’Rourke once said, “Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”

Last month Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius announced that $373 million in stimulus money will be used to fight obesity and encourage Americans to eat healthy. The plan sounds good on paper, but as we all know, as soon as the federal government enters the scene, you end up with another bureaucratic contraption that’s expensive to run, difficult to control, and impossible to stop.

And typical of most federally funded programs, you have to comply with a list of conditions in order to be eligible for any money. This means that any municipality or community organization that wants to hop on board the HHS gravy train must perform a series of government mandated kabuki dances to get the cash.

Meanwhile, Americans will remain obese, eat junk food, and ignore the Food Police. But watch out, America. Step out of line with the Department of Health and Human Services and they’ll send  the Gazpacho after you.

Hey, who remembers this: “When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn’t lift himself up. He pushes the world down.” That’s a well known factoid from the Chuck Norris Facts internet phenomenon that spread across the web in 2005 and made its way into the popular culture. And there was, “When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.” Not to mention countless others.

Well move over, Chuck. Barack Obama is now the new internet phenom, and he’s going viral in exponential leaps.

It took only hours after the Nobel Foundation announced Barack Obama as it’s Peace Prize recipient for the internet to explode with Barack Obama prize awards and astounding feats. To list just a few:

·    Obama inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
·    Barack Obama Wins Pre-Emptive Title of “2010 Playmate of the Year”
·    President Barack Obama Wins Stanley Cup
·    BREAKING! Obama wins “American Idol”

And that’s just a miniscule sampling of the deluge that’s now flooding the internet.

Here’s one of my favorites, though perhaps an obscure reference for many:

“Obama becomes the second student in Starfleet Academy’s history to defeat the Kobayashi Maru test.”

It’s a bit nerdy, but still funny.

Even as you’re reading this, President Barack Obama’s reputation is expanding by the minute. He’s become the new Chuck Norris. So here’s some advice to all you bloggers and news forum contributors. “If you spell Barack Obama wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”

Yesterday’s White House photo-op-press-conference-and-Obamacare-sales-presentation reminded me of a funny TV commercial from the Sixties written by Stan Freberg. The narrator says, “Nine out of ten doctors recommend Chung King chow mein,” The camera pans through all of the seated doctors, and eventually it becomes apparent that they’re all Asian except for one Caucasian.

President Obama, lacking a sense of humor, surely didn’t see how absurd his little health care pageant looked—150 doctors wearing white lab coats so you knew they were real doctors—in what could have passed for a Monty Python sketch.

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The 2016 Summer Olympics will not be coming to Chicago. Even for a group of corrupt IOC bureaucrats, this must have been a no brainer. But to hear the Chicago media tell it, the whole thing had to have been political. Politicians including Jesse Jackson went so far as to blame George Bush for creating anti-American sentiment affecting the Committee’s decision. Jesse Jackson’s bias is understandable even if it lacks honest perspective.

Here’s a more objective breakdown: Chicago is called “The Windy City.” Rio de Janeiro is called “The Marvelous City.” Chicago has graft, gang violence, and the Cubs. Rio de Janeiro has Mardis Gras. Chicago has Barack and Michelle Obama. Rio de Janeiro has sunny beaches littered with bikini clad sun bathers .

Do the math people, do the math.

With just two words, Joe Wilson became an instant media sensation. How do you follow an act like that? Alan Grayson thinks he has the answer. On Tuesday night, the Democrat congressman from Florida put on a muddled performance on the floor of the House of Representatives that was part comedy stand-up and old fashioned song and dance.

Complete with easel cards and zesty punchlines like “die quickly,” and “holocaust,” Grayson turned Congress into an evening of mediocre vaudeville. Henny Youngman he’s not. Congressman, please leave entertainment to the professionals.

No doubt Grayson was at the very least looking for his 15 minutes of fame. And he was likely aware of the $2 million spike Wilson got for yelling “You Lie!” And that works out to $1 million per word, by the way. Why wouldn’t Grayson want a piece of that kind of action?

Some are comparing Grayson’s mockery to Wilson’s outburst. The comparison is absurd. Joe Wilson’s reaction was brief, spontaneous and it made a simple point. Grayson’s shtick was modern-day burlesque theater, except without a good punchline or a buxom pretty girl. Who needs that? Certainly not the taxpayer.

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